Catching up with KADs is always fun. I've rekindled my love of KADs as I was getting bogged down with the studies.

Some friends were visiting and had a good conversation at Sydney Madang. Sometimes we can be a bit depressing for "normal" conversation but it could be because I tend to have stronger views than most and my family situation has been messed for a while now. I can't see myself in Korea for a while. I sometimes need to watch what I say because I know that cHubby gets a bit sensitive. And to me it seems like I keep having these hardened resentful feelings that seem appropriate to only talk about with other KADs. My friends were thinking about moving to Korea to establish some relationship with their biofamily and we started talking about birth mothers. Another adoptee said that her feelings were a bit ambivalent and sometimes get criticized for her lack of appreciation for meeting her birthmom. I said that I feel the same way. I don't really have this mystical gratitude towards her just because she gave birth to me and I don't understand why I should. Am I the loyal loving daughter that she wants? No. But was she the mother that she should have been?

She loved me enough to have me but she didn't love me enough to keep me.

cHubby later told me that his heart sank when he heard me say that. My heart breaks a little bit when I think about it too.