14 June, 2016

Second Round, Second Month

I called his therapist up two weeks ago.  She was distant and I was confused.  I thought that she asked us to give it 6 months and then, invite me back to counseling together.  Two months later, I haven't heard from either of them.  She said that it was up to him to want me to come back to therapy together.  So I organized a different therapist because I knew that he was never going to ask.

The first session with the new therapist was the getting to know you session and why are we here.  I  still felt unresolved about everything.  I texted him that I thought that it would be a good idea if we wrote letters to each other about what was discussed in therapy.

This is my letter:

This is the second letter. The first one that I wrote was very angry. I realized that some of things that I wanted to say to you are in retaliation of your coldness. I cannot believe that you keep pulling away from me and 13 years together.

It hurts me because I am losing my best friend. But I also feel like I don't even know who you are anymore - so I don't even feel like we are friends.

I know that you have no urge to be with me. That's okay but I need explanations from you.  If anything I deserve answers. What do you want from me?  Why do you continually want to hurt me?

Even when you talked about about how angry you are of me, the only thing you talked about was your job. Why can't you tell me why are angry with me?  What have I done to elicit such resentment from you?

I know you feel like I am attacking your family.  I don't know if in my heart, we will be able to rebuild a sense of trust. Your family is your life and I have become nothing to you. I don't know if you will ever be able to understand why I became so hurt by you over the years. You never stood up for me or yourself.  Perhaps, knowing that you never would be able to - you never should have married me. Your silence last week haunts me.

Lastly, one of the things that kept us so strong was you. I just wanted to remind you of that and that I miss you.

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